


I swear I saw my whole life flicker in a window light

by exhaustedwerewolf



Series: 30 Day Post Challenge [3]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Adrien's inferiority complex, Angst, F/M, Friendship, Hurt & Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-03
Updated: 2016-11-03
Packaged: 2018-08-28 22:11:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8464891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/exhaustedwerewolf/pseuds/exhaustedwerewolf
Summary: Sometimes, when it all gets too much, nothing's better than someone who's willing to just be there.





	

**Author's Note:**

> The title and story were inspired by the song "Paris," by Geographer. I would recommend giving it a listen, it's beautiful!

Adrien was careful not to slam shut the door behind him. As soon as he was alone he leant back raking his fingernails down his bare arms. In a blur of black, Plagg shot from his jacket pocket and hovered uncertainly nearby, quiet for once. Adrien listened for at least a minute for footsteps in the hall- the car journey back to the mansion had been silent, but that didn't mean Gabriel wouldn't take the opportunity to criticise him for his behaviour at dinner. But the footsteps never came, although every word out of Adrien's mouth, every minuscule movement he'd made, had felt like a mistake. He'd been second guessing himself all evening.

Plagg, who Adrien hadn't noticed leaving, appeared hefting Adrien's toothbrush. Reflexively, Adrien held out his hand to allow his kwami to drop it, but he stared at the brush uncomprehendingly. 

"What's this?"

"It's late, Adrien- that dinner went on forever! And they didn't even have any cheese! What kind of French restaurant doesn't have cheese?" Temporarily distracted, Adrien glanced up.

"It wasn't a French restaurant, Plagg."

"We're in France. Ergo, it was a French restaurant." Adrien shook his head. 

"Either way, we're just tired from fighting so many akumas, lately. It's not as late as you think it is, besides, father promised I'd be back before..." He trailed off as he caught sight of the clock beside his bed, which blinked insistently; 2 AM.  
"...Oh." As if just comprehending the time had brought it on, a wave of exhaustion swept over Adrien, and he sank down against the door. 

"Come on, kid, go to bed."

"I was supposed to patrol with Ladybug tonight." Adrien muttered, rubbing his eyes roughly. 

"It's too late for that now. You've missed her."

"Regardless, homework, I've got..." His eyes drifted to the spread on his desk, papers and folders and pens strewn about in utter disarray. At the sight of the mess, Adrien's mind kicked into overdrive. He had to sleep, he had a shoot before school tomorrow, but he had mandarin lessons straight after and he hadn't finished his worksheets, not to mention his History essay- not due yet, but he hadn't even started, and he'd overheard Nathanael telling Alix he was almost done, and he didn't understand the newest Chemistry topic, being taught in a class was so different from one-to-one... It all became a swirling cacophony in his head, and to his horror, he felt tears prickling at the corners of his eyes. Abruptly, he stood.

"Plagg, we're going out."

"What? Adrien," the kwami complained. "It's late." Adrien didn't balk.

"Plagg, transforme moi!" 

Being Chat Noir always made Adrien feel better. No, not just better - great. His blood sang with the soaring sensation of freedom as he leapt from rooftop to rooftop, the city lights spinning around him, the night breeze cool on his face. Adrien ran, leapt, hit the tiles hard, but he hadn't been out for more than ten minutes when an uneasiness caught up with him. Something was different tonight. 

He'd hardly had the chance to lose sight of the mansion before he stumbled- fudging what should have been a simple landing, underestimating a short jump. Only one foot made it to his target, and he fell forwards so as not to plummet back, landing painfully on his hands and knees. For a few seconds, he was still; listening to his own harsh breathing, trying to ground himself. And that was when the thought cut through the quiet: You can't do anything right, can you?

Adrien was appalled to feel the tears welling once again, and he brought his gloved fingers to his face in disbelief because Chat Noir didn't cry. This realisation only made him feel worse, and he dragged himself into a sitting position with a stifled sob. The sound was wrong, not the kind of sound to come out of a hero's mouth. He bit down on his fingers to try and smother the noise. Through his tears, the lights blurred and trembled, and Adrien held his breath for as long as he could. When he finally let out a choking breath, everything came thundering down at once. He was practically doubled over, head in his hands, hot tears dribbling under his mask, which he couldn't help but feel like he was ruining. Adrien cried hard, and each noise was like a knife to the gut, a voice in his ears, "Weak, weak, weak..."

~

Ladybug had lost track of time. The city, it seemed, was particularly dazzling tonight, and she was moving at a more relaxed pace than usual, with no frisky feline to overtake. She had plenty of time to take in the sights; the pulsing, luminous veins of the Paris streets, the dark landscape of rooftops stretched out before her. She was mid-swing when she spotted a shadow out of the corner of her eye, a shape, hunched on a rooftop. Too big to be a bird, but just right for a person. An akuma? Wary, she drew nearer to scope it out.

When Marinette touched down on the roof, and spotted her partner, she was privately delighted. She had been annoyed at his absence earlier in the evening, but seeing him now eclipsed any feelings of irritation. She started towards him eagerly. Ladybug was little more than a meter away from her parter before- between the strange muffled sounds and his hunched shoulders, barely discernible in the darkness- she realised that he was crying. She stopped dead, practically reeling back. It was stupid and pretty naive, she supposed, but it never occurred to her that Chat Noir cried. Everyone cried, of course, but it was hard to reconcile the image of the hero with the carefree laugh and the easy smile with the boy in front of her, crying his heart out with no-one to hear him. Steeling herself, she called out.

"Chat?"

Chat froze at the sound of his lady's voice. He swallowed rapidly, but did not lift his head.

"I'm-" Chat's voice broke, and he cursed inwardly. "I'm sorry, my lady. I... Only slipped, I'm quite alright. Please don't trouble yourself." It was all he could manage. He screwed his eyes shut, trying to remain as still as possible, and waited to hear her retreating footfalls. 

Marinette thought for a few moments, her eyes on Chat's hunched form. On the one hand, she wanted to honour his privacy. On the other, she couldn't just leave him. Making up her mind, she strode over to him and sat down beside him, but far enough away to give him space.

"And leave one of my best friends alone, crying their eyes out on a rooftop? You insult me. What kind of a superhero do you think I am?"

Adrien was sidelined by this statement. He was one of Ladybug's best friends? He closed his eyes tighter, attempting to control his breathing. His head pounded and he couldn't for the life of him think of anything to say.

"You don't have to tell me anything, of course." Marinette mistook his silence for guardedness. "But I'd prefer to sit with you until you feel better, if that's okay." She paused. "Of course, if you do want to talk about it, that'd be okay too." A moment later, she added. "But, if you really do want me to leave, that's fine." The heroine sighed. "I'm not very good at this kind of thing."

"No," Chat croaked without looking up. "You're... You're doing great, my lady."

Encouraged, Ladybug continued with her strategy to distract her partner. "The city's very beautiful tonight, isn't it? I was disappointed when you didn't turn up for patrol-" At Chat's sharp intake of breath, she rushed to correct herself. "I'm- Sure you had a good reason, of course, just that it's a beautiful night and it'd be a shame for you to have missed it completely." Somewhat impulsively, she lay back, intending to look at the stars, but she fell back too quickly, and hit her head on the tile with an unpleasant thud.

"Aïe," she hissed, and Chat lurched to her side, speaking in a panicky rush.

"My-lady-are-you-okay-oh-mon-dieu-that-sounded-bad-are-you-" With him leant over her in agitation, she got a proper look at him, and felt a twinge of worry, seeing the tiredness in his eyes.

"Chat." Ladybug reached up to cover his mouth. "Calm down. I'm feline fine." 

Chat Noir blew out a relived breath and sat back from her, and it was only then that Ladybug realised just how upset he'd been.

"I can't believe you made that joke." He gave her a watery smile.

"I can't believe you didn't laugh." She replied uncertainly. He gave a half shrug, and lay back next to her, closing his eyes. 

"Do you ever get tired, my lady?" Ladybug rolled onto her side and regarded her partner.

"All the time." She said earnestly, watching his expression intently.

"There's..." He began, but lapsed into silence. Marinette made a split second choice. 

"If you want to talk about civilian stuff, minou, that's fine." She said with affection." I don't mind. What are the chances that I'll figure out who you are? Besides," Softening her voice, she added, "it seems like you need it."

"I'm not being as generous as all that, my lady." He said quietly. "I just don't quite know where to start. Or if I want to. I'm afraid if I do, I'll never stop." Chat Noir rolled onto his back, and pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes, grinning, or maybe grimacing. "I sure am gifted at finding things to complain about." 

"Everyone needs to complain sometimes, Chat. Everyone gets tired and fed up and hopeless. It's... okay to feel like that. So long as it's not for so long that the akumas get you." She attempted half-heatedly. Still, he didn't laugh. 

"It just feels like I'm...." The sky, tinged with yellow and semi-luminous from the city lights seemed to extend infinitely in every direction. "It's not an obstacle I can overcome so easily..." Chat trailed off, swallowing thickly. Ladybug waited patiently for him to organise his thoughts. 

"Not tonight." He said finally, removing his hands from his face, though his eyes stayed closed.

"Okay." She said, trying to make it sound like she understood, and wondering whether she did at all.

"For tonight, this is enough." 

They lay together in silence, breathing the coldness of the air.


End file.
